When Inviting Kindness is Kindness Itself

My friend stood in the back of a very long line. She had arrived forty minutes early for a job interview, and forty gray-suited men stood in front of her, slowly being ushered through security. She quickly did the math: forty people times 75 seconds per screening equals LATE.

For each one: bag check and ID check, name tag and phone call. Next! Next! Never.

There she stood, in a bright red coat and a smart black hat, like an errant kite swept into a storm cloud.

A word from Scripture had echoed in her head all week: Pursue. So, she did.

She spoke to the man in front of her.  “I have an interview at 11. Can I slip in front of you?”

“An interview?! Yes!.”

And then the next man: same question, same response. Again and again.

Soon, my friend reached That Man. “I could tell he was from New Jersey,” she told me. Uh oh. She and I are both from New Jersey. Where was this going?

The man stepped out of line, grabbed her by the metaphorical elbow, and led her right to the front. Along the way, he said to each man, “She has an interview at 11; she has an interview at 11.”

In seconds, my friend was standing at the security desk, with murmurs of “Good luck! Good luck!” swelling behind her. A minute later, she was in the elevator and on her way.

The interview itself was dispiriting. An hour later, my friend shrugged herself back into her red coat and black hat and stepped again into the reception area.

And there clustered the same forty men, returning from their own meetings. They beamed when they saw her again. Greeting her like a old friend, they wished her well.

Magnificent staircase in a New Deal-era building.

I tell my kids: never miss an opportunity to be kind. While we all miss opportunities, it’s still a good guiding principle.

I also offer its corollary: allow another person to be kind to you. Despite the motivations of self-interest, this one can be harder. Whether impelled by my stubborn self-sufficiency or pointed self-criticism, I frequently choose to gut it out myself rather than risk vulnerability or judgment.

And yet I also believe that allowing another person to be kind is itself an act of kindness.  My friend saw this: she took a chance, asked a favor — and brightened the business day of the gray-suited men, precisely because she invited them to show kindness to a stranger.

Naturally, she was grateful for scooting to the front of the security line. But I wonder also about the gratitude of the men. How many described that moment to their families? How many enjoyed the serendipity of their reunion an hour later and the sincerity of their own well-wishes?

Whirling beauty in the Iowa State Capitol.

I know I feel shivery inside when I do a kindness. The feeling lingers. It lightens my next few steps and deepens my next few breaths. I commit to myself: do that again.

And then I don’t. At least until someone waves an opportunity right in front of my face.

They thank me for my small kindness, but perhaps I should thank them instead — for making that moment of connection, piercing my focus, softening my heart. Be kind to me, they say. And suddenly I am.

And you are too. Kindness comes easily to you.

Now I challenge you: return the favor. Give someone the chance to be kind to you. Savor the connection you’ve just created. Watch the effect on them and study the effect on you.

My friend — in her memorable red coat — gave forty gray-suited men the chance to do a tiny kindness that summed to a meaningful gift. Who came away richer?

I wrote this piece for Five Minute Friday, a faith-based community blogging site at  https://fiveminutefriday.com/2019/04/18/fmf-writing-prompt-link-up-next/ . Scroll all the way down and check out the other short essays on the topic of “Next.”  

7 thoughts on “When Inviting Kindness is Kindness Itself

  1. Halpern-Robinson Jesse April 21, 2019 — 2:48 am

    Great read! Thank you – never hurts to ask, and everyone deserves a little help!


    1. Thank you, Jesse. I appreciate your encouragement!


  2. Lovely! We are all richer by taking the time to offer kindness to others and making that human connection! Visiting you from FMF spot #51 this week.


    1. Hi, Pam. Richness is so abundant, isn’t it, when we make that human connection. And thanks for sharing your reflections on FNF #51 and evoking the Saturday of Silence before Easter Sunday. And that, in turn, reminds me that Jesus routinely accepted others’ kindness and hospitality throughout his ministry. I’m grateful you helped me make that connection.


  3. Loved the image of a red kite in a cloudy sky! Beautiful reminder to give and accept grace.


    1. Hello, dear Ana. Thank you for drawing the link between the vulnerable little kite and grace. Indeed. Your sharing means a lot to me.


  4. Dear Readers — The day after I posted this reflection, I came upon a piece of advice published in the New York Times Magazine by philosopher Kwame Anthony Appiah. While counseling a daughter trying to decide whether to take a vacation — per her dying mother’s instructions — he said: “try to bear in mind that sometimes accepting kindness is itself a kindness.” In her comment above, Ana pointed out the power of the word “accept,” as Appiah does. Whose kindness will you accept today?


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